Journey's End, Beginning Again

Three months of walking, more than 200 miles accumulated, and striding through obstacles that include multiple family illnesses, injuries, overcrowded schedules, and unanticipated speed bumps, one journey has to come to an end so another may begin. From the very beginning I've acknowledged that this was a trifold journey, and while I've made deliberate strides along the physical, the mental and spiritual journeys have progressed less successfully. After some studied reflection in recent days, however, I've decided to make a crucial step for both.

This blog has to end.

I am a writer by profession and my career demands 60-80 or more articles, blogs, newsletters, and other pieces of writing each month, along with countless hours of emails, promotion, and research that amount to tens of thousands of words. This blog does not count toward that total. Too often extra entries fall by the wayside in the crush of payable work, and every moment that I spend on additional words feels like an extension of work rather than a refreshment of mind and spirit. To give more time to both the mental and spiritual journeys, this blog is going to cease, but another will continue with occasional updates along this 1,000-mile path.

The one hobby I have (though not the only one I long to have) is birding, and I chronicle my feathered flights on another blog, Backyard Birds Utah. It is there that this journey will continue and fittingly so, as while the season warms and days grow longer I hope to spend more of my accumulated steps tracing miles of backcountry and mountain trails in search of winged wonders, something I do far too infrequently these days. But when I take one day to hike such a trail and see such a bird, I simply don't have time to do two blog posts about the same integrated event.

I hope you'll join me there, flying along this goal even as I walk each further mile. I'm not going to stop counting my mileage (you'll find the mileage tracker from the right hand column here replicated and continuing its updates there), but I'm going to make it less a part of work and more a part of mind and spirit. Maybe that's the first mistake to learn from - focusing on the physical is not the way to make the changes that are necessary, but once the mind and spirit are in sync, the body will follow.

I hope you'll follow along as this new part of the journey takes flight.

Family Tree

I keep walking and walking, taking some large steps here and small steps there along three journeys, but today was a wakeup call. My mother, whose health has been relatively poor since a stroke 15 years ago, is in the hospital with a broken ankle (thankfully nothing more severe), but in conversing with her and rehashing the family's health, I realized for the first time what weak roots I have, and how close they are to determining the reach of my health.

Risks abound on different branches of my family tree - diabetes, cancer and obesity are the largest looming shadows oft repeated among different family members both close and far, with a host of smaller conditions associated with each. Fortunately, some of my roots are stronger than others, and I have a very uneventful medical history myself. But what events may lie in my future health? Genetics always plays a role in how one's roots grow, but they aren't the only deciding factor.

I've recently begun adding houseplants back into my home decor, and I prefer to purchase smaller, more neglected plants - those on discount and clearance racks that so many have already given up on. With tender care and proper treatment, however, even a small, weak, or damaged plant can thrive again. And with the same consideration of my own care and treatment, I want to continue to thrive - for myself, for my husband, for my family. Time to take a few more steps for better diet, stronger exercise, and stress management.

I don't want to let my own stroke or heart attack be a final wake up call in my family tree, or a call so severe that there is no answer loud enough to change it; don't let a similar tragedy end your tree.

Yellow Brick Road

Every journey leads us along our own yellow brick road, but where? Dorothy wanted to get back home, and every walk has to lead back home someday, whether that home is in the same place or moves to a new place as you take new strides along those bricks.

I mapped out a few bricks this week, a path we call "the bone" because of the shape of joined cul-de-sacs in one section our neighborhood, and one lap brings me back home after a brisk walk. While I've never before lived in a dead-end neighborhood, I find it peaceful and enjoyable, particularly for outdoor activities. Children can play outside without fear of high speed traffic, we can walk through the entire neighborhood without disturbance, and there is a sense of getting to know one's neighbors more intimately (not too intimately, please!). While the neighborhood is small - this yellow brick road is only a total seven-tenths of a mile - it is convenient to the city at large, yet still has that private, out-of-the-way sense. This is a walk I like to take frequently, several times a day if I can manage it, and that mileage adds up.

What short walk - one part of your yellow brick road - is one of your favorites?

Treat Your Feet

With so much walking - my mileage has now passed 165 miles - my feet take a beating. Over the past dozens of miles, though, I've learned that a treat for the feet is a treat for the whole body, and helps refresh the spirit.

Options I use for pampering my peds include...

• Natural, fragrant soaps with rich foam
• Long, luxurious soaks in a hot bubble bath
• Vigorous rounds with a pumice stone
• Warm, soft, spa socks
• New insoles in well broken-in sneakers

I do not, however, go for pedicures - never have, and have no intention of it. While some may find it relaxing, I find it a waste, at least for me. I do not wear sandals or other open-toed shoes (totally impractical when one is hiking through the woods), and so any colors, shapings, or other treatments would not be visible for admiration. The time to get a pedicure I'd rather spend actually on my feet, with more walking!

How do you treat your feet after a long day's walking? Share your ideas - my feet could use them!

Sick, In So Many Ways

The past two weeks have not been what I'd hoped would pass for normal; illness has run rampant through the family, jumping from member to member, and bringing with it not only typical symptoms but also lethargy, a lack of focus and a general loss of motivation for any meaningful task.

The beauty of walking this journey, however, is that even on sick days I'm still able to keep moving. The pace may slow and the intensity drops, but the feet do still keep moving, one step at a time. Each day hasn't brought my total mileage as high as I'd prefer, but so long as it does continue to rise, no matter how small the increments, that is progress.

Sickness is more than physical, however. There are domestic issues with extended family, acquaintances and colleagues that I'm sick of juggling, work issues with deadlines, clients and paperwork that I'm sick of reshuffling and diet issues with time, taste and preparation that I'm sick of needing to balance to get everything just right for each day. This is the time when I begin to look forward to summer travel - when schedules lighten, children are out of school, and time just seems more plentiful - but with bitter cold temperatures searing my lungs on every walk, it still seems far away.

Today I'm also getting that queasy, sick, anxious feeling about tomorrow's milestone; another month's weigh in. The last progress check was a grave disappointment, and I just cannot judge how well this month has gone - in some ways better, in some ways worse. But how much better and how much worse? Time will tell, scales will tell, measuring tapes will tell. I would say that better health is a reward no matter what numbers add up to, but with so much overall sickness, that's just not the psychological boost it could have been right now.

But at least tomorrow can begin healing. A new month is always an opportunity to be optimistic.

Zero

Sometimes, a step back is really a step forward. For the first time all year - 46 days and more than 122 miles - I've not walked today, and I have no intention to. My body, mind and spirit are rebelling - soreness and stiffness, cold, lack of concentration, frustration, futility - so for one moment, it's a day off.

Days off can be just as productive as the strongest day on task, and just think for a moment of all the times you do take a day, or even a small bit of a day, off...

• Hiring a babysitter to have a night off parenting (so very welcome)
• A day off work, either scheduled  or a personal day
• Crashing your diet for a special occasion, holiday, or craving
• Time off budgeting when you splurge on a new purchase
• Time off housework when you let the dishes pile up, ignore the ironing, and just don't make the bed

So today was a day off - no walking beyond a daily norm, the steps of which do not count toward my goal. Tomorrow will be a new day and a new total that I can approach, hopefully, more refreshed.

Heart Rate

On this day of hearts everywhere, I'm thinking about the most important heart of all, the one that beats within the chest. It is for those beats that I have these three goals - physical, mental, and spiritual - so that I may have more beats to enjoy life, to share with my family, to use within this world, so that my beats may continue to strengthen my life and the lives of those around me.

When working out, every beat matters, but it is the rate of those beats that matters most. Getting one's heart rate higher is the key to effective exercise, to changing the body's plateau and improving its strength. While you don't want to go too high, of course - over exertion can lead to just as many deadly problems as under exertion - it is important to exercise your heart as you would any muscle.

At first, you might think there is a finite speed at which the heart can beat if all you do is walk; without increasing your pace even faster to jogging or running, how can you get your heart rate higher for better exercise? There are several tactics I use:

• Changing stride length
• Adding hand weights or ankle weights
• Tightening abdominal muscles, like standing crunches
• Boxing and punching moves
• Increasing the treadmill incline

During a typical walk, I will use two or three methods to increase my heart rate, particularly if I am on the treadmill. I can feel the difference, and my heart does as well - with every beat it grows stronger, at least physically. The mental and spiritual heart rate issues aren't so easily solved, but just like the body, they need the exercise in order to improve. While I'm not yet that far along on those more transcendental journeys, all things in time. Love is more than a single day, and so is building that love to a lifelong commitment.

Century Mark

This week, I officially crossed the century mark and am more than 10 percent of the way toward my 1,000 mile goal - I have walked more than 100 miles. It seems like so much, yet at the same time it seems like so little. These first 100 miles represent a great deal...

• 25+ trips to the gym (I've not kept exact track)
• Hours of walking at different paces, inclines and intensities
• Several hours of the Price is Right, magazines and music
• Developing a habit that I'm starting to miss if I don't do
• Keeping up with a goal that is still a very long ways away

I've found a fun tool on Free Map Tools that lets me plot a radius from a point near my home (my exact address not being recognized thanks to Utah's unusual coordinate grid system) and see just where my walking would take me. Admittedly, the calculation is a straight line and I rather doubt I've have made it over the 11,000 foot mountains or in a straight line across extensive lakes, but with this distance, I could reach...

• All the way to Logan to the north, further than I've ever driven north in Utah to date.
• Almost to Bonneville Flats State Park to the northwest, which I have driven past but isn't as impressive as it sounds.
• Just past Fish Springs National Wildlife Refuge to the west, a very isolated but productive birding spot I have visited.
• To Fillmore to the south along I-15, a small and nondescript community we typically miss when we blink on the way to Las Vegas.

There aren't any great landmarks of note to the east or southeast, but it is worth noting that - as the bird flies - I could be out of Utah by now, into the southwestern corner of Wyoming. It may not seem too far for now, but by the time this journey has ended, I'll have crossed multiple time zones, entered the Pacific Ocean, and even left the United States in more ways than one. How far will I have walked, then, by the end of February?

Obstacles

Some times, it seems no matter how far you walk, you end up further away from your goals. Such was my experience with the monthly measurements for February - despite walking more than 75 total miles, several dietary changes, more weight-bearing exercises, and other habit adjustments, all the measurements I make (weight and body measurements) either stayed the same or went up to varying degrees. I simply couldn't believe the results when I compared my numbers to January, and at first I felt so many negative emotions...

• Rage
• Frustration
• Desperation
• Anxiety
• Jealousy
• Hopelessness

But for the past few days, I've done more research, tried to focus better, and worked to remember that every journey has obstacles, particularly life-changing journeys. If those obstacles weren't there, everyone could be successful without effort.

The research I've found does offer a touch of hope; depending on your individual metabolism, it can take several weeks (though no one is clear on just how many) to "reset" your baseline so your body begins to change. There is the idea that as muscle builds and fat burns away, sizes may change while weight does not, given muscle's greater density. Then, as another thought, some people genuinely build muscle faster than burning fat, which means everything may rise before anything falls.

What could be the reason for me? I honestly don't know, but after a weekend of self-pity and indulgence (which I'm pleased to say wasn't nearly as fun as I'd hoped, which is a positive indication itself that changes are, in fact, occurring), I am pleased that I'm not giving up. I haven't missed a day's walking, and my mileage continues to rise.

Now I just hope I can get a little positive reinforcement to help my spirits and motivation rise as well.

Friday Fear

Most people look forward to Fridays - the end of the work week, the start of the weekend. Not me, not this week at least, because this Friday is February 1, and is the first weigh-in day since I began my very long walk. I am able to look back over the month and know that I've done far better than usual in terms of diet, exercise, and overall health, but all my life I've had small successes and larger failures, and I'm terrified.

What I can't decide is if I'm more afraid of failure or success. Failure - to lose weight, to lose inches, to see progress on my goals - would be crushing, but would still be a familiar feeling. Success, on the other hand, has been so rare that it would be suspect. And the fear is even more subtle than that; a small success may still be disappointing, given the far greater effort I've put into these goals, but a large success raises suspicion that it isn't truthful, that there might be some mitigating factors affecting the outcome, that the good result will not last.

That said, I'm not out of tricks yet. I've walked more than 70 miles this month and bettered my diet and the meals I cook for my family, but there are additional steps that can still be taken. The month may be ending, but the journey is still only just beginning.

And come what may, one day from now, the month's fear will pass as well - all things in time.

Oodles of Odometers

In its most basic sense, an odometer is defined as "as instrument that indicates distance." But distance can be measured in many ways, and there are many ways I'm measuring the physical aspect of this 1,000 mile journey.

• Average daily distance necessary to reach 1,000 miles in 365 days
• Actual distance I walk, cumulative each day
• Margin of difference between overall average and actual distance
• Percentage of actual average achieved through current date
• Percentage of 1,000 miles already walked

But why measure so much? Each indicator gives me a new look at a very large and potentially overwhelming goal; a new perspective on my progress. Knowing the average I ought to be walking gives me something to aim for each day, and tracking what I actually walk is essential to knowing my progress toward that goal. The margin of differences, whether positive or negative, tells me should I walk more than that average or do I have some room to slow down a bit. The percentages are more out of curiosity, but let me see the accumulation of miles and progress in a different way.

To date, I have walked well more than 50 miles (see the new odometer counter at the right, below my profile but above the blog archive), but still below what the overall average ought to be; this is not too upsetting as yet, however, because once the foul air and bitter cold is alleviated, walks will naturally get more frequent and longer. I am pleased that on no date have I had to enter 0.0 for my actual distance walked; each day I am getting closer to my goal.

So many times we need to take a new perspective - a new measurement of our lives. If you only look at your life one way and aren't pleased with what you see, looking at it in a different way can show you something you hadn't seen before. Maybe you aren't making all the progress you'd hoped for, but you are making progress.

And so am I.

Recharge

No one can keep up a frantic pace indefinitely without crashing, just as no one can walk 1,000 miles nonstop. Sometimes, the pace has to slow, the time at the gym has to shorten and the muscles - and heart and mind - have to heal, to recharge.

I've been slower than I'd have liked for the past few days, recovering from soreness that has compounded a lingering cough. Slower, but not stopped - I've yet to enter a 0.0 daily mileage on my odometer spreadsheet. And this slower pace has allowed me to contemplate the spiritual and mental sides as well - slowing down is another type of learning and growth. If we're always focused on a distant goal, we miss what we might be passing by on our way to reach it. Sometimes, along the journey, we need to take our eyes off the finish in order to see the sidelines, and admire the richness all around us. I'm still struggling to find balance for work, family, volunteering, exercise, hobbies, and the rest of the facets of my life, but step by step each goal - near and far - is coming closer.

A recharge, then, is often essential. It might put us temporarily behind a prominent goal, but it allows us to remember why we're aiming for that goal, and we can step out again refreshed, energized, and ready to proceed. Will I reach my goals - 1,000 miles and otherwise - by December 31? It is far too early to make that judgement, but a bit more rested, I can at least continue on my way.

Weight of the Walk

The icy grip continues its stranglehold, and the intense cold weighs heavily on me. Not only does it make walking more difficult - even the few minutes to walk to the gym can be piercingly painful in this bitterness - but this is the season when a lot of heavy thoughts weigh on my mind. Part of my spiritual journey is addressing them, and I am doing my best. As my loving husband and soul mate recently put it, however "a pat on the back for a broken spine does nothing." With the horrors of the past decade, my spine is more than broken - shattered, shredded, and eviscerated would only show the physical damage. Ironically, the nerves within - the emotions - have gone numb to great pain, but to recover I must energize them again.

But how? I've opened myself to this pain too many times, and each instance stabs deeper. That in itself has strengthened me, as I am forced to move on despite the pain, but what good are emotions when they are focused on the negative? I need to find more positive emotions, to relearn that it is all right to feel good.

I'm not saying I never feel good; some days are certainly much better, but the glowing moods last far shorter than the shadowed ones. When I look out and see the vibrancy of the landscape weighted down by mountains of white powder and crystalline ice, I can't help but feel more shadowed. How many miles must I walk to reenter the glowing light?

I'm not yet far along enough in my journey to discuss the details of my pain, but each step brings me closer. Walk with me, and you'll discover that your pain is not alone, as I hope to discover myself.

Totals Taking Flight

One week in to this 1,000 mile journey, totals are beginning to take flight. While I only plan to weigh myself and compare body measurements once per month, I am keeping daily totals of my mileage walked. For the first seven days of 2013, I have walked 10.9 miles and am well on my way.

Admittedly, this first week's total does not come up to what a spread out average of per day miles should lead to, but there are a lot of factors at play - recovering from a harsh bout of the flu, vicious icy weather and temperatures that preclude outdoor walking, and retraining muscles long forgotten. But each day the daily mileage is growing, as is the accumulated total. The feet and legs are getting better accustomed to these expectations, and I'm finding different ways to make time spent on a treadmill more interesting.

Everyone has heard the aphorism "it's a marathon, not a sprint" and that is one hard part of the mental and spiritual journey I'm encountering. I have a strong competitive edge - a heart desperately straining to prove it isn't what others have called it - but I have to adjust to competition only with myself. It is hard when you feel you're always being judged and when those who should be supportive turn out to be your most vehement opponents, but it is all part of the journey.

I may just be getting my wings, but the time to soar is coming.

Frozen Air

Winter is a fact of life in Utah, but just as the new year has gotten underway and my feet are itching to take to the sidewalks, streets, trails, paths, and other routes in this wonderful outdoors, the temperature has fallen to painful, even dangerous levels. These are the days when the air itself has a crystalline sheen from moisture particles freezing instantly, when children cannot safely play outside for long periods, when the existing snow develops a new ice coating each night as any ambient moisture adheres to its surface. One's nose and eyes feel the effects of instant ice, and uncovered skin gets bitterly chilled in just a few minutes, and will take twice as long to return to warmth once indoors again.

So how to keep walking and keep up with these goals when the more attractive outdoor options aren't options at all? Fortunately, I live only one-tenth of a mile from a gym where my family has a membership, and I'm a regular visitor. While it's interesting (and sarcastically ironic) to see the membership numbers swell this month, the crowds will gradually dwindle in the next few weeks. There are plenty of weights and cardio machines available, and I've not had any difficulty securing a treadmill for my walking goals. The one on the end was wobbly, and the one on the opposite end was too close to the fan and gave a stronger breeze to ruffle the magazine I'd brought along, but none were unusable. More importantly, all add steps and miles to my totals.

Too many people find easy excuses to avoid doing what they know they need. I could say it's too cold to walk to the gym in just sneakers and workout gear, or it's too crowded to be comfortable, or it's too boring to just use a treadmill and maybe I'll start in a few weeks when the weather cooperates. But those are only excuses, so what do I say?

It's time to go to the gym.

Pain

Change is painful, and physical change can be more painful than most. In the case of starting this daily exercise regimen on my way toward 1,000 miles, it's more than pain - crippling agony would be a more accurate description. Various weight training exercises have brutalized my muscles into a pulp, but while that may seem harsh, it's a good sign - if you do a workout and come away without any twinges at all, you didn't actually give your muscles a workout at all.

The difference between useful pain and injury pain is important to understand, however. The easiest way to tell is twofold: location and intensity. The good pain, that which tells you you've worked out effectively, is concentrated in the center of muscles and is more of an ache, albeit a strong one. Bad pain that tells you you've overstretched yourself is concentrated more toward the joints and is more piercing.

I may be hobbling a bit and thankful for handrails on the stairs, but in a good way. Working out with weights and weight-bearing exercise will build the muscle I need to press on mile after mile, and I'm still incorporating walking into my workouts as well. But how does one cope with the pain and continue going to the gym? I've asked this question of a number of sources, and there is no definitive, magical answer or cure. But what does work for me...

• Aspirin as needed (though I minimize medications in my life)
• Daily stretching to move around the acids causing the muscle pain
• Hot pads for extreme aches, otherwise warming the muscles with proper gear
• Drinking plenty of water and staying hydrated
• Continuing to move, even when under duress, so the muscles get used to the work
• Adequate rest, even a day off if necessary

It takes time, of course, but so does walking 1,000 miles. This early in the year, the physical journey I'm on is by far the most difficult, and I haven't yet begun much for the mental and spiritual components of this change. But like any change, it will come, and the pain will be overcome in time.

First Steps

The first day of the new year, the first steps toward a trio of goals that will be anything but easy. Today was filled with getting back to work, adjusting calendars, changing notebooks, cleaning the fridge, doing laundry, checking weight, body measurements... and walking. These first symbolic steps toward 1,000 miles took me to the gym - conveniently located one-tenth of a mile from home - and onto a treadmill for a combined walk of 2.0 miles; fitting, for version 2.0 of me (though to be honest, I couldn't possibly calculate my realistic version number, given 36 years of resolutions, diets, exercise plans, meal trials, and fresh starts behind me).

It wasn't as easy as I'd have liked. I am not familiar with treadmills and don't typically enjoy walking in one place, at the same pace, without any textural variation under my soles or visual variation in my surroundings. Yet this is necessary for tracking my physical distance goals, and it turns out that my pace is slower than I'd predicted, which will mean the walking takes longer all year, or at least until my legs and feet are in better shape for it. But that's okay - just as a journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step, so too will those steps add up in the end and it isn't necessary to walk 1,000 miles the first day.

What is necessary is to just keep walking. So it took longer than I'd hoped at the gym this evening? Maybe I'll head to the gym more than once a day for shorter durations that will add just the same. Everything has a solution, if we're willing to take the steps to get there.