Who Am I?

If you're going on a long journey with someone, it's nice to know them a bit first. While you'll undoubtedly get to know much more about me with every mile I walk, let me introduce myself first.

I am in my mid-thirties, married, with a family whom I love dearly. I have a bachelor's degree, am a former teacher, and own my own home. I work full-time as a freelance writer and editor, and I volunteer weekly at a local library repairing and rebinding books. I love wild birds, enjoy cruise vacations, am a relatively accomplished cook and baker, and in spare moments that are far too few, am an avid reader. My favorite color varies from day to day, and my favorite food is chocolate.

But what does that tell you about me? Much too little, I'm afraid. It doesn't tell you of the emotional abuse, both deliberate and incidental, I've suffered at the hands of three family branches, the vile names I've been called, the blame for others' issues that has been placed upon my head. It doesn't tell you of my own poorness of self-worth, nor does it detail my fractured mentality that can make each day a debilitating fog. A simple introduction doesn't clarify my internal turmoil and torture, nor does it explain the disconnect I feel from much of society or what strategies I've developed to soothe those wounds and hide them from others.

Likewise, a basic introduction doesn't share my mental resolve, creativity, or strength I've discovered. Strength, I hope, that will carry me 5,280,000 feet, and far more steps toward my goals. Along the way I have no doubt my resolve will be tested, and my creativity will be stretched to keep one foot in front of the other, mentally and physically. I've never in my life shied from a challenge, however, and here I stand at the starting line, feet poised.

I will avoid nothing on this journey, nor will I shy from truths, pleasant or unpleasant. I have no doubt there will be steps backward as well as forward, but if I end the day even one foot forward from where I began it, that is positive.

It truly is the first step that is the hardest.