Zero

Sometimes, a step back is really a step forward. For the first time all year - 46 days and more than 122 miles - I've not walked today, and I have no intention to. My body, mind and spirit are rebelling - soreness and stiffness, cold, lack of concentration, frustration, futility - so for one moment, it's a day off.

Days off can be just as productive as the strongest day on task, and just think for a moment of all the times you do take a day, or even a small bit of a day, off...

• Hiring a babysitter to have a night off parenting (so very welcome)
• A day off work, either scheduled  or a personal day
• Crashing your diet for a special occasion, holiday, or craving
• Time off budgeting when you splurge on a new purchase
• Time off housework when you let the dishes pile up, ignore the ironing, and just don't make the bed

So today was a day off - no walking beyond a daily norm, the steps of which do not count toward my goal. Tomorrow will be a new day and a new total that I can approach, hopefully, more refreshed.

Heart Rate

On this day of hearts everywhere, I'm thinking about the most important heart of all, the one that beats within the chest. It is for those beats that I have these three goals - physical, mental, and spiritual - so that I may have more beats to enjoy life, to share with my family, to use within this world, so that my beats may continue to strengthen my life and the lives of those around me.

When working out, every beat matters, but it is the rate of those beats that matters most. Getting one's heart rate higher is the key to effective exercise, to changing the body's plateau and improving its strength. While you don't want to go too high, of course - over exertion can lead to just as many deadly problems as under exertion - it is important to exercise your heart as you would any muscle.

At first, you might think there is a finite speed at which the heart can beat if all you do is walk; without increasing your pace even faster to jogging or running, how can you get your heart rate higher for better exercise? There are several tactics I use:

• Changing stride length
• Adding hand weights or ankle weights
• Tightening abdominal muscles, like standing crunches
• Boxing and punching moves
• Increasing the treadmill incline

During a typical walk, I will use two or three methods to increase my heart rate, particularly if I am on the treadmill. I can feel the difference, and my heart does as well - with every beat it grows stronger, at least physically. The mental and spiritual heart rate issues aren't so easily solved, but just like the body, they need the exercise in order to improve. While I'm not yet that far along on those more transcendental journeys, all things in time. Love is more than a single day, and so is building that love to a lifelong commitment.

Century Mark

This week, I officially crossed the century mark and am more than 10 percent of the way toward my 1,000 mile goal - I have walked more than 100 miles. It seems like so much, yet at the same time it seems like so little. These first 100 miles represent a great deal...

• 25+ trips to the gym (I've not kept exact track)
• Hours of walking at different paces, inclines and intensities
• Several hours of the Price is Right, magazines and music
• Developing a habit that I'm starting to miss if I don't do
• Keeping up with a goal that is still a very long ways away

I've found a fun tool on Free Map Tools that lets me plot a radius from a point near my home (my exact address not being recognized thanks to Utah's unusual coordinate grid system) and see just where my walking would take me. Admittedly, the calculation is a straight line and I rather doubt I've have made it over the 11,000 foot mountains or in a straight line across extensive lakes, but with this distance, I could reach...

• All the way to Logan to the north, further than I've ever driven north in Utah to date.
• Almost to Bonneville Flats State Park to the northwest, which I have driven past but isn't as impressive as it sounds.
• Just past Fish Springs National Wildlife Refuge to the west, a very isolated but productive birding spot I have visited.
• To Fillmore to the south along I-15, a small and nondescript community we typically miss when we blink on the way to Las Vegas.

There aren't any great landmarks of note to the east or southeast, but it is worth noting that - as the bird flies - I could be out of Utah by now, into the southwestern corner of Wyoming. It may not seem too far for now, but by the time this journey has ended, I'll have crossed multiple time zones, entered the Pacific Ocean, and even left the United States in more ways than one. How far will I have walked, then, by the end of February?

Obstacles

Some times, it seems no matter how far you walk, you end up further away from your goals. Such was my experience with the monthly measurements for February - despite walking more than 75 total miles, several dietary changes, more weight-bearing exercises, and other habit adjustments, all the measurements I make (weight and body measurements) either stayed the same or went up to varying degrees. I simply couldn't believe the results when I compared my numbers to January, and at first I felt so many negative emotions...

• Rage
• Frustration
• Desperation
• Anxiety
• Jealousy
• Hopelessness

But for the past few days, I've done more research, tried to focus better, and worked to remember that every journey has obstacles, particularly life-changing journeys. If those obstacles weren't there, everyone could be successful without effort.

The research I've found does offer a touch of hope; depending on your individual metabolism, it can take several weeks (though no one is clear on just how many) to "reset" your baseline so your body begins to change. There is the idea that as muscle builds and fat burns away, sizes may change while weight does not, given muscle's greater density. Then, as another thought, some people genuinely build muscle faster than burning fat, which means everything may rise before anything falls.

What could be the reason for me? I honestly don't know, but after a weekend of self-pity and indulgence (which I'm pleased to say wasn't nearly as fun as I'd hoped, which is a positive indication itself that changes are, in fact, occurring), I am pleased that I'm not giving up. I haven't missed a day's walking, and my mileage continues to rise.

Now I just hope I can get a little positive reinforcement to help my spirits and motivation rise as well.

Friday Fear

Most people look forward to Fridays - the end of the work week, the start of the weekend. Not me, not this week at least, because this Friday is February 1, and is the first weigh-in day since I began my very long walk. I am able to look back over the month and know that I've done far better than usual in terms of diet, exercise, and overall health, but all my life I've had small successes and larger failures, and I'm terrified.

What I can't decide is if I'm more afraid of failure or success. Failure - to lose weight, to lose inches, to see progress on my goals - would be crushing, but would still be a familiar feeling. Success, on the other hand, has been so rare that it would be suspect. And the fear is even more subtle than that; a small success may still be disappointing, given the far greater effort I've put into these goals, but a large success raises suspicion that it isn't truthful, that there might be some mitigating factors affecting the outcome, that the good result will not last.

That said, I'm not out of tricks yet. I've walked more than 70 miles this month and bettered my diet and the meals I cook for my family, but there are additional steps that can still be taken. The month may be ending, but the journey is still only just beginning.

And come what may, one day from now, the month's fear will pass as well - all things in time.